my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
