When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
