Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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