i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
