Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
