why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
