This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Farmville is her only friend.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
These tits shall not be calmed
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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