in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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