1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
