If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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