I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
