just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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