I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
