What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
