I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
