just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
