piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
