Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He felt like a one man threesome
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
