Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
