We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
