Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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