hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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