you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
