i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
pray to the hookup gods
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
is it fun? or sober?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
