i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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