I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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