Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
