I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm just crazy horny about you
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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