Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
