This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
