I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
