Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
