Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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