so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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