CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
