She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
