went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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