dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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