There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
