we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
