we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
