i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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