from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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