it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize
