It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
