Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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