now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
