How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
