He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
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