Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
