just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
