That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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