i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
