I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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