my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
